The things I've failed at:
School
I know I'm a smart guy, but motivation has never been at my side. Never had a passion for school. I see a lot of things I want to change, and I know school can help me succeed. I got accepted to 2/6 colleges I applied for. GPA wasn't all that great, and still isn't to this day. Was never close to being top of my class.
2. Sports
Was always decent at a lot of things, never great in one single thing. I've always had a good work-ethic, never any real talent though. I always wanted to shine, but it never happened.
3. Art
From music to visual arts, I don't think I have an artistic bone in my body. Can't really draw, sing, or write a poem. I always passed my art classes because of "effort." Whatever that means!
4. Romance
Only real relationship I ever had didn't last. Any other attempts at it have always fallen short, or the lady moved on in some kind of shape or form. Just no real luck.
5. Everything else....
Don't know why but I've been feeling really down lately about a lot of things. Truthfully it's something that's been bothering me for the past 8 years. I've found ways to cope with it, putting on fake smiles, making people laugh so I can laugh myself. But lately I've just felt like I'm losing my will to keep putting on fronts anymore. It's almost as if I'm heading towards a crossroads in my life and I don't know if I want to go forward. I mean, I'm not talking about jumping over bridges or anything crazy, I just don't know if I want to face the future with all the failures I've had in the past. I can't really say I've accomplished anything worthwhile in my life. It's weird, I've felt some strange emotions I can't really say I've felt in the past couple of months. From what I think was true love, to depression, to rage, to joy. They have all came and gone within a short period of time. Even now as I write this, something emotional is coming over me. As strange as it seems, I'm not much of a talkative person. I can be spontaneous, but thing real ever comes out of it. I guess my quest for realness has to start with finding the real me. With all my failures, how can I perservere?
Streams of Consciousness
- Results of Public Education
- I've found blogging as an outlet for some of my thoughts that I usually can't get out in daily conversations. Small talk never grows to "large" talk it seems so this is a way to express myself somewhat or even to just say what's on my mind.
From reading your last few posts, I've come to realize that you and I are very much alike. Even more than I thought before. And guess what? Most people have these same problems! If you look at the people out there who are actually "Good" at everything (romance, sports, music, ect.), you will find they they are a TINY minority. Most people are just little particles floating around, failing to connect with particles of the opposite attraction. Sometimes those particles bang into another particle (an activity or a person) that they really relate to or are good at. You just need to keep searching for that oppositely charged partical, bro. You'll find it.
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