My Beautiful Dark Fantasy. The Experience

So I know Kanye West's album has been on online (leaked) for a couple of weeks now, but I dislike downloading entire albums. I'm not gonna lie, I'll download a song or two, but an entire album!??! I honestly feel like when people do that, it's like an author/writer writing a story/novel, and before it gets a chance to get published, some lame nigga steals it off the printer, goes to kinkos and makes copies for people to read before the book even comes out. And people who don't even like to read will read some free stuff since they don't have to buy it. But that's another topic for another time..

I got up today knowing I was going to get the album AND Assassin's Creed Brotherhood (Excuse the nerd in me! Video games are a part of my soul!) I had Brotherhood reserved at a Gamestop near a  Best Buy I don't normally go to so I figured I'd pick both of them up in one trip. Now I drive up to the Best Buy which is in a pretty big shopping center, and there is NOBODY in the parking lot....There's the employee cars and a few customers for each store, but it was pretty much empty. (Odd moment of the hour #1)

So I walk into the store and head STRAIGHT to the rap section. After literally 15 minutes of searching for a tab labeled "Kanye West" in ALL the music genre types I came to the conclusion that....THEY DIDN'T HAVE A KANYE WEST SECTION ANYWHERE! I couldn't even find his other albums anywhere...(Odd moment of the hour #2)

HOWEVER I did find a Kevin Federline tab in the rap section...(Odd moment of the hour #3)

So I finally some customer service chick finally said, "Do you need help with something sir."

I responded with, "Yea, where's Kanye West's new album!??!"

She said........"Oh well I'll help you find it. What's the name of the album?" (Odd moment of the hour #4)

I had the most shocked/frustrated/angry/in awe expression on my face. Now to prevent myself from looking like a black guy with no home training I said "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fanstasy." But in my mind I said, "HOW THE HELL DO YOU NOT KNOW THE NAME OF THE ALBUM? MATTER OF FACT HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU NOT ALREADY KNOW WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR? DID YOU SOMEHOW NOT KNOW HE WAS COMING OUT WITH AN ALBUM?!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN FOR THE PAST 6 MONTHS?!?! BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITC-"

Then she said, "Hmm, can't seem to find it." (Odd moment of the hour #5)

But luck I turned around and the album was on some "New releases" rack or something. It had a yellow stick that said it was being sold at 13.99$ and the rack's label for it said it was being sold for 14.99.$ And the label above that had a price of 9.99$ (Odd moment of the hour #6)

I ended up paying like 16 and some change for it (Odd moment of the hour #7) and left to my car. I was unwrapping the CD when I heard someone bumping a familiar tune. Some light-skinned cat got out of his whip and he was playing Lupe Fiasco's "SLR" (Dopest moment of the hour #1)

The Revolution lives!


Otherwise the album is pretty dope. Kanye is a little left field sometimes, but I figure if you do shit in an average way, you are going to get average results....and the album is waaaaaaaay past average.

Summary of my Love Life

*This post was composed Thursday November 18th, 2010*

So I was suppose to go on what was suppose to be like a “blind date” on Tuesday. Was suppose to meet this girl through a friend of mine and try and start something from nothing. I’ve never had any real luck in the love department since my last G.F. so I was hopeful that THIS would be the game changer! But….my friend didn’t come to school and couldn’t introduce us so I had to wait until today. Now today I realized how much of a loser I am at one-on-one so Tuesday I lucked out in a sense. There was an event Hate/Hope event on campus today to where if you wrote a pledge of hope, they gave you a flower. GENIUS! I wrote two pledges and got a pink flower for my encounter with this mystery woman lady (I should’ve got two but who woulda thought that my flower’s stem would eventually keep breaking off until I only had the flower’s pedals in my hand. Not to mention I had 3+ hours of classes in between we were suppose to meet so how in the world was I suppose to keep this flower alive/delicate before then?). I ended up going back to the event right before it was about to close down and wrote ANOTHER pledge of hope and getting a yellow flower. (The pink one was waaaaaaaaaay prettier!) So at this point, I have the first 5 mins of our encounter planned:

Minute 1: We exchange how are yous, and nice to meet you’s and then after 10 second of awkwardness I’d give her the flower

Minute 2+3: Hand the flower over. Thank you+your welcome mixed with a slick compliment should equal MAJOR brownie points! I figure I would explain where I got the flower from and how I was so dedicated I pledged 3 times and what not. 

Minute 3-5: Mainly her response to that then the rest of the conversation would be dope!

However…my friend was feeling ill so NONE of this could happen….The flower is RIGHT next to me as I type this….and that’s pretty much how things go for me!

Gray is Beautiful

If you haven’t noticed, gray is my favorite color. All semester I’ve always had something grayish on. Whether it be light or dark gray, or even black or white (shades of gray in my opinion). Even now, my pants are black, my vans have a variety of shades of gray in them, shirt is neutral gray, sweater is a darker gray, and my beanie is light gray. I’ve RARELY ever switch up this color scheme all semester. Gray, White, and Black is all you really need.

I guess I like gray also because it’s one of the colors that are always left out. No one thinks of gray when colors come to mind. I mean when you see gray, you notice it fine. But it’s never one of those things that pop into your head when you are bored or when you are chilling with your homies. You have to be reminded of gray or else you’d probably forget it’s existence…

Can I hit it in the morning?

Baby you winter night fine

Confessions of my affection is a mountain I’m tryna climb

I don’t know how to fine dine, nor do I sip the fine wine

But if you give me the chance, I’ll show you how to dash and dine

Excuse the inner-workings of my mind

Not a heathen, I just walk around flaunting my zodiac sign

See I’m not of the killer type, more similar to the stripes of the Virgo kind

I’ll steal the moon’s shine

And watch you sip the lunar glow then hopefully our bodies will begin to intertwine

This love was in the making since datings in September

I remember when the heat started to drop,

The free-fall in the temperature is when I noticed the soft knocking the Winter

But now December’s roaring in the distance

And the feeling of something missing at night keeps persisting

It’s insisting that I pursue something so lovely like yourself

Perhaps your presence is necessary for my own mental health

But instead you place me and my love in your heart’s top shelf

And you’re only 5’5”….You’ll never notice me alive

Your tenderness stroke my nerves like nothing they ever felt

My thoughts always moving cause you’re running round’ my mind

So even if I get a response similar to a credit card decline

And before the temperature ceases falling, I have to ask you…

Can I hit it in the morning?

No seriously, can I?

Revolutionary thoughts in progress...

So for the past couple of months, I've noticed something stirring inside me. Can't explain what it is but it's slowly rising like I'm slowly becoming angry and empowered at the same time. This passionate feeling that's developing is incredible....

For those of you who don't know me, or even if you do know me, I spend hours throughout the day engaged in deep thought. Not nothing crazy like Renee Decartes going in saying,"I think therefore I am" but just on things that I've been having conversations with myself about. Now you make take that last statement about me talking to myself as insane, but in my opinion your conscious has many layers of archives that simple thought cannot reach. In order to reach deep in the archives of your conscious you need to constantly pick at it with dialogue that allows your mind to open those flood gates to the archives. And since I don't have someone there 24/7 on call to get my mind going, I talk to myself, not aloud though. THAT IS CRAZY.....well maybe

But back the main point. This deep thought I've been engaging in, coupled with music is take my thoughts to new places and unlocking those flood gates. I love music. Music is one of the things in life that we take for granted. We always know no matter kind of day you are having, you have the opportunity to go into your music library and find some song to fit that mood. It's like we are becoming too spoiled though (Another topic for another day!)

But I hope those thoughts that I've been experiences will soon become revolutionary movements in different fields. I'm here to change the world, so with all due respect, get the fuck out of the way!


¡Viva la Revolución!

So I cheated on you...

I'm writing this letter because I'm finally done with you. Don't get me wrong, we had some good times. Every time I'm shared laughs with the homies, you were there. Every time I got my paycheck, you were there. Every time I found good music to listen to, you were there......However, whenever my situations get real, you are NEVER around....When we had to put my grandma in the ground, you disappeared for weeks. When My pops decided he wanted to sleep around and leave the family, you decided you wanted an on and off relationship, only showing up when it was convenient for you. WHAT ABOUT ME? Why do you always seem to run, whenever I need you the most?  Lately I've stopped caring when you show up. Only because I know, eventually, you are going to leave like you always do. Your presence is always temporary. It's funny because your presence is blinding too. See whenever you show up, the world seems like a great place. It's like there's music playing, while people are going around high-fiving each other left and right, and there's even people walking around falling in love.....Not really...

So yeah I cheated.....but how can you blame me? I needed to turn somewhere. For example, when we buried my grandma, I found sadness....And odd sensation always comes over me whenever sadness is around. I move entirely too slow....I can barely speak....my thoughts are pessimistic....but in all that, I know sadness is real. I still feel something that I know is real. It always reassures me that I am human. I don't like to kick it with her all the time, because her older sister, Depression, shows up. And I must admit, me and her older sister have talked, but nothing too serious.  She sometimes makes me appreciate what I have around me. And whenever she leaves, I don't find myself searching for her. I just get over he...Now that I think about it, it's you who tends to show up ...Besides, sadness is such a debbie-downer. It's annoying sometimes. She's nothing like you. Whenever I need some music to just vibe to, it's like you are there to press play and turn the volume up. I thank you for that.

Then there's anger. Such a dangerous gal. I've been having what you could call an "affair" with her. People RARELY ever see us together. That's probably because I know her to well. She has an older sister, rage. I speak in truths when I say that I never had a conversation with her though. That bitch is crazy! But Anger is still dangerous in her own way. I get more hostile in my thoughts when we kick it. But again, I know she is real. Whenever I think certain things, I turn to her. Like when I think about these politicians who sit there in D.C. playing God with our lives, not giving a rats ass what happens to us, just as long as they can convince us that they are doing for us during election time, I turn to her.  But she likes to be the dominate one whenever we kick it. That shit is annoying to the mad.. Not like you...it seems like we always just co-exist and flow together like river water or something. You always have this calmness about you that is relaxing to me. I thank you for that.

It's weird because it's like you KNOW I'm cheating but you don't say anything. Why do I think that? It's because whenever those two leave, you tend to show up. And like I mentioned before, I always have a peace or calmness with you. I guess I'm just frustrated with the abrupt manner in which you decide to leave. I guess there are certain situations that wouldn't be appropriate for us to be together in, so I can deal with that. But I guess what I'm really saying, is that can you at least warn me before you leave like you usually do? And also.....
I'm sorry for cheating.

Poetry

I think I'm going to write poetry for a bit. Been doing a little here and there and it's mind relaxing, if that makes any sense. I think that's with any kind of writing though. Whenever you can put some ink on some paper and just let your thoughts or emotions run wild, it provides some sense of clarity or even allows you to unless whatever burden you have. I think this is a sign I should take this writing thing seriously because all the thoughts I have in my head end up getting lost or they are filed somewhere deep in the archives in my mind.

Seriously, I've probably forgotten some of the illest things you've ever said!


I guess that's also a testament to how much I actually think about things....In recent times I've getting to know HOW my mind actually works. I still think I'm destined to change the world, for now I'll just put my thoughts on paper and maybe add a little rhythm to them.

My Greatness is Inevitable!

(Watch The Matrix and say the above phrase in Agent Smith's voice. And listen to how it sounds!)

The Stars have finally aligned

For awhile I've been needing a push to get focused on things. My comrades and I (check out the grammar) finally have project we can pursue to get the ball rolling. In light of this, studying has become a main priority in my life (I'm currently taking a break from it now to write this post).

I figure if I'm going to change the world, I need to well-grounded in all aspects of knowledge. Biology before today was annoying to study, but for some reason the words are coming off the page in a way that is making some of this mildly interesting to me.

I honestly feel as if I'm destined to change the world. For the past 6 months, I've noticed a change in the way I think about things. Music, politics, romance, family, philosophy, etc. I guess my mind is finally making sense of everything in a way that it couples with my natural way of doing things, which is unnatural to the normal way of doing things. I've always had something odd about me that I could never put into words. Guess I'll never really figure out how to put it into words until it's necessary. For now, I'll just continue with this illness that has been distilled within the realm of Rell's real......