Dislikes of Modern Warfare 2

1)Noob-Tubers
I understand that it is a feature of the game, and all parts of the game should be used for tactical purposes, etc, blah blah. But have you ever been in a lobby where when the game starts, 5/6 players on the other team are noob-tubing? It's not even a game anymore...It requires no skill, and annoying because people who do it, do it for EVERY shot....

2)Lightweight + Marathon Class
No skill at all required to do this. It's like Infinity Ward gave Sonic the Hedgehog a gun and said, "Here you go, go run at 40 mph throughout the map!" In my opinion, it makes Call of Duty seem like the NBA JAM of first person shooters.

3)Sniping
I love sniping...but you can't be a real sniper in this game. Snipers don't have a REAL advantage in the game. Once you do get a good sniping streak going, which is like 3 kills, you will be noob-tubed anyways. Or some guy you sniped will turn into sonic the hedgehog and run all the way around the map in under 2.5 secs to kill you! I think the maps are too small and there are too many twists and turns.

4)Objective based game modes
Don't get me wrong, playing games like Domination and Demolition is fun. But when you get into games where all you have some loser camping in the corner, not getting a flag which is 15 feet away from him, or not planting/defusing a bomb, or you get the people who run and die trying to get a nuke without trying to get the objective, it's kind of annoying...

5)UAV
Unless you are playing a hardcore game mode, that radar that is ALWAYS on is annoying....all you really have to do to get a kill is wait for a dot to show up and kill the guy there...I've literally watched people move towards a direction, here a gunshot (Meaning a dot showed up) and then killed me. I'd prefer if the game just told you the direction of where the bullets came from, instead of showing you where the guy is on the map!


Not hating on the game totally, it's still a fun game to play, just annoying at times....just sayin...

Thoughts about Social Networking

I think I may reduce the amount of time I spend online to almost 0 for 2011. Especially sites like Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube. I mean, it's really how you know you have no real social life when your social life is online! But on a serious note, I think it's bad for me mentally to be online so much. I'd rather watch Movies or listen to Music truthfully. I can't really explain why I'm always online. I guess it's just one of those unexplained phenomenons that came with my generation. It's like texting. No one calls or leaves voicemails anymore, we just send a text. But back on topic, I think I'm going to give this mental rehabilitation the ole' college try. Here goes nothing. (I like that phrase)

M.A.R.S.

Summer 2011

After talking with a good friend who I came to know this past semester, I've realized how big of an issue it is that I haven't traveled outside Southern California. I've always felt lame, but now I'm feeling like I'm missing out on a lot of things. I've decided that for this upcoming summer, I'm going to try and get on my grind and save up for a plane ticket and vacation a little somewhere. I haven't decided where if end up having enough to go somewhere, but a place like New York would be dope to visit! Hopefully all goes well from now until Summer!

He Say She Say

Not having a father for the past 8 years of my life has probably has probably been the single greatest thing that has effected who I am today. They say you can't miss something you never have, which I think is BS, because there are certain things that just feel like they should be there but they aren't, which can be compared to missing something I think anyways, but what do they say about missing something that was actually there? My pops was the person I looked up to in life the most. He was my father, hero, and best friend. Once he voluntarily stepped out of my life, my entire world and perception of everything shattered. Still to this day it feels like I am struggling to pick up the pieces. But I know, deep in the deepest depths of my heart that no matter how hard I try, things won't be the same as they were before. Nor is it my responsibility to make things the way they were but part of me would give anything to get things back to they way they used to be....

But when I step back and look at my situation as a whole, there are parts of me that have formed directly because of my situation. I've always called the moment my pops walked out of my life, the "Birth of my Conscious Mind." Everything before then seemed to happen without much thought on my part. I did things, things happened, and I just really went with the flow, ya know? And when my mind finally became awake, it felt like I was 12 years behind everything. So having to catchup at an accelerated rate, not to mention still live in present has been a little tough on my part. But the one thing I can say I'm enjoying, is how my mind is developing. The things I think about on a constant basis....the way I see the world working....the potentials we as humans can achieve is endless in my opinion...but for me to show the world my mind, I can't be a peon in the grander scheme of things!


So for the future I say I'm willing to put my life on the line to eradicate all mishaps of the past. Even though the past made me today, it doesn't have to be someone else's past...or future...and to my future sons and daughters, you will NEVER be left alone!

She was beautiful... Part 1

Seriously she was beautiful....and in my mind I was thinking this....But I didn't know how to say it because I don't know her that well....I wish I did, and I wish I could get to know her because she seems like a deep person that I could enjoy getting to know...and she was beautiful...seriously...I've seen women who I can classify as thick, cute, bomb, BAD, fine, etc....but the only accurate word to describe her was beautiful...Because I mean all the previous words describe physical appearance...but when I looked at her, I literally froze in awe....It's like the word beautiful completely embodies that person's entire being! And it wasn't like I was looking at her anymore, but more like I was looking at her soul while she was watching mine. And for a second I felt down....because as our souls stood there floating over an eternal abyss, I felt all my faults were exposed and she was looking at all of them. And then we started walking and talking. With every step I felt smaller...and smaller...and smaller...Then something truly unexpected happened....I made her laugh!

Testimony of a failure...

The things I've failed at:

School
I know I'm a smart guy, but motivation has never been at my side. Never had a passion for school. I see a lot of things I want to change, and I know school can help me succeed. I got accepted to 2/6 colleges I applied for. GPA wasn't all that great, and still isn't to this day. Was never close to being top of my class.
2. Sports
Was always decent at a lot of things, never great in one single thing. I've always had a good work-ethic, never any real talent though. I always wanted to shine, but it never happened.
3. Art
From music to visual arts, I don't think I have an artistic bone in my body. Can't really draw, sing, or write a poem. I always passed my art classes because of "effort." Whatever that means!
4. Romance
Only real relationship I ever had didn't last. Any other attempts at it have always fallen short, or the lady moved on in some kind of shape or form. Just no real luck.
5. Everything else....
Don't know why but I've been feeling really down lately about a lot of things. Truthfully it's something that's been bothering me for the past 8 years. I've found ways to cope with it, putting on fake smiles, making people laugh so I can laugh myself. But lately I've just felt like I'm losing my will to keep putting on fronts anymore. It's almost as if I'm heading towards a crossroads in my life and I don't know if I want to go forward. I mean, I'm not talking about jumping over bridges or anything crazy, I just don't know if I want to face the future with all the failures I've had in the past. I can't really say I've accomplished anything worthwhile in my life. It's weird, I've felt some strange emotions I can't really say I've felt in the past couple of months. From what I think was true love, to depression, to rage, to joy. They have all came and gone within a short period of time. Even now as I write this, something emotional is coming over me. As strange as it seems, I'm not much of a talkative person. I can be spontaneous, but thing real ever comes out of it. I guess my quest for realness has to start with finding the real me. With all my failures, how can I perservere?

How do I live?

Another thing I noticed about myself this semester is that I don't live enough. I'm always analyzing and engaging in deep thought about things to actually be in the moment. Even simple conversations I have with people are troublesome for me. I can't explain it, nor do I think I ever will be able to. It's like when I talk to someone, I put myself on the side and watch me talk to them, while critiquing everything I do. I just think too much for my own good it seems. Honestly, the only real reason I do anything productive, from writing papers to picking outfits, is because I force myself. Even then it feels like I go to war with myself. Nothing I do feels natural. I mean the basic things in life like breathing and walking comes natural. But everything else I have to think about. A simple solution to this would be to say, "Just be yourself." Though my counter would be, "How do you be yourself when you don't know who you are?"

"Second Guessing yourself tryna remain sharp"

Testimony from a Reject

Let’s just be real, I’m really just never good enough. I don’t have that X factor it takes to sweep a girl off of her feet. I mean I can probably make her laugh, and show her a good time. But not once has it really led to anywhere. I’ve had maybe one real relationship, which I must admit now that I look back on it, wasn’t a good one. For the longest time, I felt like I “needed” a girlfriend so I never admitted the truth that that was destined to fail. Even when things got bad, I felt like I needed to put up with it just because I felt like I needed someone there. Honestly can’t understand why I don’t have success in romance. Maybe it’s something programmed within me that won’t let it happen. But that kind of thinking is for the birds…nothing positive will come out of thinking like that. It’s just been a frustrating experience. Even when I think things are going great, the reality of my romantic situation sets in and reveals the truth…Don’t really know where to bounce back from all of this…. Here I’m thinking that I’m a pretty cool dude, but that’s not really being translated into the real world. This shit is annoying….Music is the only thing keeping me sane right now honestly…Can’t really find it my heart to give up totally, I’m always optimistic about life. I guess this one of those tests in life where the answer isn’t in a book, nor can someone else just flat out tell you how to solve it. It’s weird because romance hasn’t really been a big deal in my life until 2010. The more I think about it, the more frustrated, annoyed, and down I get. From being in friend zone after friend zone, to just being a flat out square, I’ve been stumbling in this department for the longest…fuck! I guess the real issue lies within me. A change has to be made, but where the fuck do I start. (I don’t usually cuss by the way, a bad habit I’ve picked up this semester) Like I said, I don’t see myself giving up, I see that as a coward’s way out, but my patience is growing thin….

Am I lame?

Am I lame for not drinking? A good percentage of my friends, drink or party on a regular basis. Can't really remember the last time I partied, or have I ever really drank. It just doesn't appeal to me for whatever reason...I don't think it's BAD to drink; it's just something I don't do. But whatever circle I'm in, I'm usually the one who doesn't drink. I never have any stories to share. Never had a hangover either. People always tell me, "Oh that's good you don't drink." For some reason, I ALWAYS take it as, "Oh you don't drink? You must have been sheltered growing up." Which isn't really true, it just doesn't seem that fun to me...Am I lame?

Am I a loser? I never have much luck when it comes to talking to the opposite sex. Seriously, I've had the worst luck ever. It makes me wonder why exactly though. Because I don't have any big stories about my past relationships, probably because I haven't been in many. Nor do I have any crazy sex stories to share with the fellas whenever we are at that particular round table. I guess I don't find sex THAT big of a deal. I mean it IS a big deal, but never really have it on my mind truthfully. I mean check out this post http://rellisreal.tumblr.com/post/1613746776/summary-of-my-love-life Am I a loser?

Am I unrealistic? I think I see the world differently than most people. I've come to that conclusion this semester. College has opened my eyes to a lot of things like: music, politics, religion, relationships, etc. I can say with great honesty that my perception on everything has changed, and is still being changed for the better. But I feel with the mindset I have now, I won't be able to relate it to everyone else. I KNOW I'm here to change the world, but what's the likelihood of that happening?

Seriously, am I lame? No matter what circle of friends I'm in, I feel so different from everyone else. No matter the subject the conversation is focused on I don't have much to talk about. Music, sex, dating, school, partying, movies, T.V. shows, fashion, etc. I've been noticing this lately when I get to know new people. It's strange to me because it makes me think, "What have I been doing the past 20 years?" Or is my life even that interesting?  

Am I lame?

Something Deeper

I remember when I use to always only swim above the surface. Everything above the water always seems so nice. But there will always be a time in every swimming adventure when you must venture into the deep end. But if you are always looking at things above the surface, how will you cope with the water's deep side? I never liked the idea of being thrusted into the deep end when I wasn't ready. I guess if you don't properly learn facets of the water you are immersing yourself in, you can possibly drown. Because not every water is meant for you to swim in. Some waters may seem like they are safe to swim in, but that above the surface appearance is always tricky in my opinion. BUT YOU CAN'T HELP IT THOUGH!.....It's just that the feel of the water against your own skin, sometimes overtakes the reality of the fact that you are SWIMMING! You could possibly be swimming in these waters for the rest of your life, until your skin gets wrinkly. But of course that's something we don't think about until it actually happens.

 So I guess swimming is a process. You notice the water, and it notices you. Some of us are adept at swimming so we jump right in. For others like myself who don't go swimming often, it takes a little bit longer. We start by maybe just putting our feet in, testing the waters. Then gradually, we work our way down the steps of the shallow end, getting the feel for the water as our bodies become soaked. And with each stroke you take, you feel the water's physical nature a little more. Still, we are in the shallow end and there's much more water to explore. But now we move towards the deep end. And here's when things get real. The deep side of the water is always frightening if you haven't traveled there with another body of water, but in the end it always makes or breaks your experience.

 I figure a gradual exploration of water for me is the best route to go. You feel water, and water feels you as move through the different depths. I guess no matter what body of water I put myself in from here on out, exploring that deep end is always my goal.