Testimony from a Reject

Let’s just be real, I’m really just never good enough. I don’t have that X factor it takes to sweep a girl off of her feet. I mean I can probably make her laugh, and show her a good time. But not once has it really led to anywhere. I’ve had maybe one real relationship, which I must admit now that I look back on it, wasn’t a good one. For the longest time, I felt like I “needed” a girlfriend so I never admitted the truth that that was destined to fail. Even when things got bad, I felt like I needed to put up with it just because I felt like I needed someone there. Honestly can’t understand why I don’t have success in romance. Maybe it’s something programmed within me that won’t let it happen. But that kind of thinking is for the birds…nothing positive will come out of thinking like that. It’s just been a frustrating experience. Even when I think things are going great, the reality of my romantic situation sets in and reveals the truth…Don’t really know where to bounce back from all of this…. Here I’m thinking that I’m a pretty cool dude, but that’s not really being translated into the real world. This shit is annoying….Music is the only thing keeping me sane right now honestly…Can’t really find it my heart to give up totally, I’m always optimistic about life. I guess this one of those tests in life where the answer isn’t in a book, nor can someone else just flat out tell you how to solve it. It’s weird because romance hasn’t really been a big deal in my life until 2010. The more I think about it, the more frustrated, annoyed, and down I get. From being in friend zone after friend zone, to just being a flat out square, I’ve been stumbling in this department for the longest…fuck! I guess the real issue lies within me. A change has to be made, but where the fuck do I start. (I don’t usually cuss by the way, a bad habit I’ve picked up this semester) Like I said, I don’t see myself giving up, I see that as a coward’s way out, but my patience is growing thin….